SemiAntics

In our house, we have a bed-making rule. The last one out of bed has to make the bed. If the bed stays unmade late into the day and someone other than the last-riser chooses to make it, the act is considered one of great kindness and generosity and is honoured as such. The system works well between Nathaniel and I, but it breaks down when it comes to our stuffed monkeys, Harold and Sofie. Often they are the last in bed, but they never, ever make the bed when they get up. I can understand that Sofie might have problems as she has no fingers, but Harold has no excuses. Are the monkeys lazy?

I always thought so. At least, I always thought so until this weekend. This weekend I was studying for my anthropology test and read about something called ethnocentrism. Basically, ethnocentrism is the tendency to view one’s own culture as superior and then apply one’s own cultural values in judging the behaviour and beliefs of people raised in other cultures. I’m not exactly sure about the origins of our monkeys. Harold claims to be from Norway, and Sofie says she’s from Madagascar. Wherever they originated, it’s probably safe to say that they both came from cultures somewhat different than ours. Perhaps in their culture, bed-making is unknown or even taboo. Maybe when I judge the monkeys as being lazy, I am just guilty of ethnocentrism.

What do you think? Are we dealing with cultural differences or lazy children?

If we are dealing with cultural differences, how should we handle the bed-making situation? I think we ought to respect Harold and Sofie’s individual cultures. But, at the same time, they both live in our house and are part of our family. They are expected to contribute, just as every other family member does. My own inclination is that Harold and Sofie should take their turns making the bed unless it turns out that bed-making is strictly forbidden in their cultures. If it is, then Harold and Sofie can be assigned other tasks to restore the work equilibrium in the family.

Clearly Dilbert is a genius amongst idiots, morons, thieves and imbeciles. So, my question is, why is he still working there? I mean, if he goes to work each and every day feeling like his efforts are futile, he never satisfies his boss, he is ruled by an evil cat in human resources, etc (the list goes on).

So, I have a list of ten reasons he might stay working for his company.

1. He has been there for years, and he would lose precious vacation time if he left.
2. He is in love with Wally.
3. He is about to retire.
4. The Elbonians threaten him with slave labour if he leaves.
5. Pointy-haired boss has dirt on him.
6. He is busy cultivating his protege, Asok.
7. He knows that Carol would follow him where ever he goes just to make him suffer.
8. Another company would make him straighten his tie.
9. Absolutely nothing would get done if he left. (Even less than nothing).
10. There is a magnetic vortex holding him there.

If you don’t like my top ten reasons, well you just go ahead and find better ones. I’ll consider updating my list if yours are better.

Not convinced? See if you can figure out where it goes wrong…

It takes three. One to apply the cables to the dead battery. One to apply the cables to the live battery. And, one to read the directions at least three times before each step. We actually did quite well I think. It took us about 20 minutes, but that was only because we worried when the ground clip kept sparking whenever we clipped it to anything. We all had on our safety glasses and our direction-reader stood back 20 feet whenever we did anything. It was a good experience. It was nice to realize that there are other people in the world as paranoid as I am. I wonder if they wear safety glasses when they clean the bathroom too?

There are several reasons to use Netflix. Do you know what they are? Here, I will list them for you to make it easier:

• Good Selection
• Reasonable Price
• Easy
• No Late Fees
• Free Popcorn and Drinks (delivered freshly made each time you watch the movie)
• Makes You Look 10% Prettier/Handsomer

Now, there is one other reason to use Netflix: Monsters!

Yes, these cute little monsters can be made from the extra flap of paper on the Netflix envelope. You just tear it off and fold, fold, fold, and “Boo!” it’s a monster!

How to make ‘em

Let’s see if I can ’splain it to you:

1. Fold the paper in half, across the middle of the long side.
2. Fold the two corners in to the middle so that there is a point at the middle of the folded edge, and there are two triangles folded to the middle. The triangles should be at a 45 degree angle.
3. Now, just below the folded triangles, there will be about an inch that didn’t get folded into a triangle. Fold one over the new triangles, and fold the other behind the triangles so that it looks sort of like a hat.
4. Open the hat, and pull the middles out until it’s closes and looks like a diamond.
5. Keep pulling out until you can fold it flat. Fold it then.
6. Now you have a diamond shaped flat thing that can open on two sides.
7. Fold the corners of the two open sides out and over so that you have a triangle again.
8. Now you have a smaller hat, without a rim.
9. Open the hat, keep opening until it is flat the other way.
10. Fold it in half, and you should see some slots for your fingers.
11. Put your fingers in and snap the jaws of the monster at people!

Yep, if you can follow those instructions you’re a jeanius. I’m pretty much a jeanius for writing this down, too. Oh, Grace is the one who taught me this trick, so full credit should go to Grace.

This vehicle has been sitting in front of my dorm for most of the year, on and off. We finally got a picture of it.

Well, take a closer look, in case you didn’t figure it out yet:

That’s right, it’s that gas-hog of a GMC creation, the “Yukon.” I don’t think anyone is going to take that sticker seriously.

Nerdcore is a growing genre in music, probably almost entirely independent (indie) music. The music is all about nerds, geeks and people with no lives. Remember when Weird Al Yankovic did that song, Too white and nerdy? That was his take on nerdcore (a parody, of course). But the real stuff is much better (worse) if you are (aren’t) a computer nerd.

Monzy is a PhD student at Stanford (computer science, of course) who makes nerdcore music. Kill -9 is the only song I’ve watched / listened to all the way through, and honestly, I think one song of nerdcore is far too much. But it’s hilarious if you happen to know anything about computer science. If you don’t, for Thor’s sake, please don’t watch this movie!

Check it out at YouTube: Monzy performs at Stanford.

Umberto Eco is a master of wit and wisdom. In his book Foucault’s Pendulum, he craftily tells a story about how the New Testament could have been written. I found it quite amusing. Here, the main character Casaubon is talking to his girlfriend Amparo:

“Now that you mention it, let’s see. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are a bunch of practical jokers who meet somewhere and decide to have a contest. They invent a character, agree on a few basic facts, and then each one’s free to take it and run with it. At the end, they’ll see who’s done the best job. The four stories are picked up by some friends who act as critics: Matthew is fairly realistic, but inists on that Messiah business too much; Mark isn’t bad, just a little sloppy; Luke is elegant, no denying that; and John takes the philosophy a little too far. Actually though, the books have an appeal, they circulate, and when the four realize what’s happening it’s too late. Paul has already met Jesus on the road to Damascus, Pliny begins his investigation ordered by the worried emperor, and a legion of apocryphal writers pretends also to know plenty…. Toi, apocryphe lecteur, mon semblable, mon frere. It all goes to Peter’s head; he takes himself seriously. John threatens to tell the truth, Peter and Paul have him chained up on the island of Patmos. Soon the poor man is seeing things: Help, there are locusts all over my bed, make those trumpets stop, where’s all this blood coming from? The others say he’s drunk, or maybe it’s arteriosclerosis…. Who knows, maybe it all really happened that way.”

Now that’s just classy! Sometimes I wish I could be a writer…